new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
