Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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