I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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