I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
