also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
