im six kinds of drunk right now
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do herpes really smell.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
as a side note pls kill me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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