This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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