Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
