Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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