like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
