It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
