Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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