I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
