Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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