Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
