Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
