those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
