my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he shaved USA in his pubs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
