I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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