she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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