I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
