If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
