she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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