she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Drake has all the answers
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
