she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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