Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
