I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
