You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There r osticjed everywhere
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
