If i come over, it means nothing
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
