woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
