how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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