He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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