I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
bring money and cleavage
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
