and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
