dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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