Screwed.edu
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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