did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
