i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
