Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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