you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
