You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
