video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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