I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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