Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
