so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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