i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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