Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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