If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
