I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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