I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
