She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
