I have demons in me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
