it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
