apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
